Parents and "The Village"

It takes a village to raise a child.
No truer words were ever spoken.
You have heard me talk about how different people are better parents at specific times of a child’s life. Some people are good with infants, no matter how cranky. Others love the curiosity of the toddler and do not mind following the toddler’s every move. Some like little kids, you know, kindergarten, and others cannot tolerate them. Still others like pre-teens.
And yes, some love to work with teens.
But it is a fact that many of us are not equipped to handle, well, all the stages of a child’s growth, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
The problem is that we don’t function as a village, and so many parents end up feeling trapped and frustrated as they deal with the challenges of raising children.
Some would say that if a person thinks he or she cannot manage having kids, he or she should not have them. I understand that; I waited until I was older before I had children. But the fact of the matter is that many to most people do not think about the challenges of raising children until after they are here. By then, it’s too late.
My daughter takes care of a young girl who, as an infant, was shaken by her mother. The little girl suffered severe brain damage. And just this week, a young mother suffocated both her little boys, ages 1 and 2, before strapping them into their car seats and allowing her car to sink into a river.
She was frustrated and unemployed and couldn’t take the pressure of not being able to do what she wanted and needed to do, and, apparently, her situation was made worse by her mother who, according to reports, criticized her mercilessly.
“The village” is a life-saver, both for mother and child. It is no poor reflection on any parent to admit that he or she is just not equipped to deal with his or her own child at a given time. I heard a mother on the radio share a story about the difficulty she is having raising her 14 year old daughter. The daughter was sitting on the sofa putting hair spray on her hair and ruining her mother’s sofa. When the mother reacted in anger, the situation exploded and got worse.
There is a lot of that going around.
If we are going to break the cycle of kids hating themselves, we are going to have to be different kinds of parents, parents who use “the village” as a God-given tool to help us. I am concerned about all children and parenting in general, but I am of course specifically concerned about African American children and parenting in our community.
We cannot afford to be bad parents, nor can we afford to have false pride. We have to be ready and willing to celebrate our strengths and admit our weaknesses and get help. It’s not for us that we need to do that, but for the children, over whom God has made us stewards. We need to use the agencies available to get help for our weaknesses so that we can be more whole, even as we use the strengths of “the village” to raise healthy, whole children.
Children are God’s gifts to us. Our gift to God is being the best parents we can be, using “the village” to help us where and when we need help.
Have a good week!
Pastor Smith